Editorial: News flashes from 2030

Published 9:25 am Thursday, March 10, 2022

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News Flashes from 2030:

“Ocean swallows New York,

Gets disgusted and spits it back out”

“Oil found spewing out of hillside,

Owner  sticks in thumb to stop flow”

“Storm pummels Washington, DC,

Causes  $5 billion in improvements”

“Trump buys Fox News,

Sorry, he already owned it”

“We warned you,

Today’s forecast high is 182 degrees”

“Hilary buys CNN,

Sorry, she already owned it”

“Ride a windmill, Spin

around and around and go absolutely nowhere”

“Nation at a standstill,

Climate change causes magnetic pole issues,

electric vehicles won’t work”

“Taylor Swift breaks up with boyfriend,

Writes hit song about it”

“Big Brother is watching you,

Call the cops and have him arrested”

“The Odd Couple,

Mitch McConnell and Nancy Pelosi get married, expecting little non-functional robot kids”

“We warned you,

Yadkin River hot enough to boil an egg”

“Critical Race Theory removed from schools, Blame the White people”

“Poor Putin,

Russian leader apologizes,

gives his country to Curacao”

“Curacao swallowed by ocean,

Putin snickers”

“Tom Brady back in NFL,

Balls really deflated now”

“Latvian Love,

Arturs Irbe new NATO leader”

“Thumb shrinks,

Oil spewing again from hillside”

“Forsyth annexes Davie,

changes mind and gives it back”

“Davie annexes Forsyth,

EMS services to move there”

“COVID is back,

443rd booster shot recommended”

“Mid-Term Crisis,

President tests positive for brain matter”

“Read all about it,

Newspaper columnist charged with stupidity”